apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
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you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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