U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
