Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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