so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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