If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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