Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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