Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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