That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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