Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
