Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
