dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
