woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
