he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
