these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
