Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
