I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had to cum in my sink.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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