so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
