fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
