he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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