1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
