Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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