WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
