She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
