very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
