U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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