My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
