I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
