Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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