i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
