I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
