just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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