...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize