3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize