and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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