Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
