I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
