I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
