first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
