Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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