found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
