i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
