She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
