there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
