did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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