he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
