Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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