You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
