Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
