I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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