Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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