I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
