Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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