sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
