check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
