Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
