I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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