We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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