I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
