worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
