that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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