Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
