My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
