I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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