Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
