if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
