Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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