He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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