I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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