hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
