You were right. It hurts to walk today.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
