They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
