I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was confusing and full of hummus
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
