how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
