I should be sponsored by Trojan
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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