can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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