Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize