Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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