I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
