oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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